Dressing Room Survival

Surviving With Your Sanity Intact

Rule #1
Always remember mirrors in the dressing room are recycled from carnival fun houses...the distortion making your middle look 50lbs heavier - is totally a function of the mirror - it is NOT real!

Rule #2
Pick the ugliest vulture - I mean sales person - available. The pretty ones are used to people saying how great they look, and don't know how to give compliments. Those on the lower end of the Bo Derek '10' scale know how wonderful it is to receive a compliment and will pay them more freely than the princess vultures.

Rule #3
Some vultures are smarter than others. If the first time you ask for a larger size you discover that vulture doesn't know how to count - find a new one fast. The only time you can discard this rule is if you ask for a size 16 and the vulture says "There is no way you're a 16, I'll bring you a 12"!

Rule #4
It doesn't count as an honest try on if you don't 'runway' down the corridor!

Rule #5
Only your best friend will tell you honestly you look like an elderly, spinster aunt in that outfit - everyone else will say you look "fabulous". Always listen to your BF.

Rule #6
The amount you like an outfit is always proportional to how much it costs. The only item on sale will be the ugliest one.

Rule #7
Sometimes you have to set the girls free to fully appreciate the outfit.

Rule #8
Tie dyed knee socks do not go with mini skirts.

Rule #9
It is polite and expected that you tell the other woman doing the runway she looks "fabulous" - see rule #5.

Rule #10
Dressing room lighting is only good at showing you how many gray hairs you have, hence Rule #4.

Rule #10
If you finally find THE OUTFIT...they won't have it in your size - even if you're one of the bitches who wears a size 00.

Rule #11
If you normally wear a size 12 and the size 12 is too small - the ONLY acceptable explanation is it was mislabeled at the factory!