My best friend was recently diagnosed with cancer. She is a fighter and I have strong hope for her to get through this.
Since she is willing to try whatever zany scheme I come up with, I have appointed myself "Ministress of Humor". Ministress is a female form of minister but I really love it because it breaks down to mini & stress, and I hope to make her laugh hard enough to experience 'stress' incontinence. (Sadly I can't promise that will be the last bad joke I put in here). To this end I am going to try and post something funny as often as possible for her (and your) enjoyment. If you have anything funny to contribute - please do so.
Today's entry:
Mrs. Billy Bob answered the phone the other day.
"This is the laboratory calling. We received blood samples from two William Bob's and we can't tell them apart. We have bad news for both of them. One of them tested positive for Alzheimers and the other for HIV."
"Oh dear." said Mrs. Billy Bob, "Can't you just repeat the tests?"
"We're sorry, but with the recent, ongoing health cuts, we are only able to perform each test once. We do have a suggestion however. Drive your husband somewhere unfamiliar in the middle of Edmonton and leave him there. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
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Jack Nicklaus and Jesus Christ were out on the golf course.
ReplyDeleteJack Nicklaus asks Jesus if he'd like to bet on the game.
Christ agrees to a wager.
Nicklaus swings first.
He makes an amazing shot, a hole in one.
"Your turn," he says to Jesus.
Jesus swings and the ball flies into the woods, far from the green.
When it lands, a squirrel picks it up and runs away with it.
Suddenly, a hawk swoops down out of the sky and picks up the squirrel with the ball still in its mouth.
Eventually, the squirrel releases the ball.
The ball falls from the sky, richochets off of a tree, rolls onto the green and into the hole.
Jack Nicklaus looks at Jesus and says, "Are you going to play golf or just f*ck around?"